I attended my first recovery group over VOIP phone today. It wasn't bad. I have to say it's nice knowing there are others like me all over the world and really struggling every day.
I also purchased and downloaded the Sex Addicts Green Book, and the little that I've read so far has been helpful. Many of the programs out there use the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous as the guideline for recovery, but even though the steps and the addiction pieces are the same I think I'm going to find the Green Book a lot more relatable.
So yes, I am a sex and love addict. The addiction has consumed my life, soul and spirit. It's not something all that easy to talk about, as it has an incredibly negative social stigma tied to it and a lot of people out there still don't recognize it as a real addiction. But the way it has taken over my life, ruined relationships, and stripped me of any hope of a normal future makes it just as much of a disease as alcoholism or an addiction to narcotics.
I literally cannot understand how there are people out there that don't have the urge to look at pornography or close their eyes in fantasy every single day. Or need their daily dose of affirmation, either through a perceived flirt from a cashier or a "Like" from social media. Since first going into recovery a number of years ago I've learned to temper those urges. I white-knuckle my urges to look at porn (probably not the healthiest thing), which has reduced the sexual fantasies that swim like jellyfish in my head. I'm rarely on social media, and if I post it's probably about my kids so that I'm not fishing for compliments. However there's still a moment every single day where I have to make a decision. Some days the decision is really easy, and some days it's hard. On occasion I make the wrong decision. And this daily struggle... the grind and the resistance and the conscious decision to not act on it -- I think this is something normal people do every goddamn day. But they don't. Really? Really. They Don't.
Isn't it messed up how I started this post saying it's nice to know that there are others like me all over the world like I was part of some exclusive club? And then just now I just said I thought everybody was just like me? There's still a lot that I need to figure out, and I think that's okay.
I also purchased and downloaded the Sex Addicts Green Book, and the little that I've read so far has been helpful. Many of the programs out there use the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous as the guideline for recovery, but even though the steps and the addiction pieces are the same I think I'm going to find the Green Book a lot more relatable.
So yes, I am a sex and love addict. The addiction has consumed my life, soul and spirit. It's not something all that easy to talk about, as it has an incredibly negative social stigma tied to it and a lot of people out there still don't recognize it as a real addiction. But the way it has taken over my life, ruined relationships, and stripped me of any hope of a normal future makes it just as much of a disease as alcoholism or an addiction to narcotics.
I literally cannot understand how there are people out there that don't have the urge to look at pornography or close their eyes in fantasy every single day. Or need their daily dose of affirmation, either through a perceived flirt from a cashier or a "Like" from social media. Since first going into recovery a number of years ago I've learned to temper those urges. I white-knuckle my urges to look at porn (probably not the healthiest thing), which has reduced the sexual fantasies that swim like jellyfish in my head. I'm rarely on social media, and if I post it's probably about my kids so that I'm not fishing for compliments. However there's still a moment every single day where I have to make a decision. Some days the decision is really easy, and some days it's hard. On occasion I make the wrong decision. And this daily struggle... the grind and the resistance and the conscious decision to not act on it -- I think this is something normal people do every goddamn day. But they don't. Really? Really. They Don't.
Isn't it messed up how I started this post saying it's nice to know that there are others like me all over the world like I was part of some exclusive club? And then just now I just said I thought everybody was just like me? There's still a lot that I need to figure out, and I think that's okay.
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