There's an old story about a real person named Charles Blondin that gets retold so much that it has turned somewhat into a legend. Most of what is told on the internet about him is probably not true anymore, but even so, one particular story about him will serve as a daily reminder of how I am to carry out my life moving forward.
In 1859 Charles Blondin is known as the first person to ever tightrope across the Niagara Falls Gorge. He crossed the falls on tightrope multiple times, and each time he did it in crazier ways than the last. The variety of ways he crossed included: being blindfolded, while in a sack, on stilts, while cooking an omelet, and while trundling a wheelbarrow.
The wheelbarrow run of his gets a lot of attention, because there is a story that is told (usually by Christian groups) that goes like this:
Christians love to compare the story above to what faith really is like. Believing in God or a higher power is easy, especially when you've seen or heard about what they can do. But putting all your faith and trust in something is entirely different and much more difficult.
However, a man in my recovery group flipped it around for me - and it killed me inside when he told me his perspective as an addict.
He said that we were, in fact, Charles Blondin. Some days we think we have sobriety. We are cured from the disease and have practiced sobriety and the 12 steps so much we think we could probably cruise through life without worry. However, every single day we ask our wife, our kids, and all those we care about to trust us and to get into the wheelbarrow. We tell them that we are safe, and that we would never hurt them. We tell them, "Trust me, because I have the addiction under control, and I won't fall off." In the meantime, they are nervous. They believe in our intentions. They have seen the change in us. But to get in the wheelbarrow means risking their lives when failure is a simple mis-step away.
As a fragile addict, I don't want to have anybody in that wheelbarrow. I don't want to hurt my family. I don't feel like I can be trusted. However, the hope is that there will come a day when somebody has seen the change in me, sees me as somebody safe and as somebody that can be trusted. More importantly, the hope is that there will be a day that I can trust myself to have somebody in the wheelbarrow and that we could one day do something amazing together.
But for now the wheelbarrow is, and remains, empty.
Charles Blondin with his balancing pole
In 1859 Charles Blondin is known as the first person to ever tightrope across the Niagara Falls Gorge. He crossed the falls on tightrope multiple times, and each time he did it in crazier ways than the last. The variety of ways he crossed included: being blindfolded, while in a sack, on stilts, while cooking an omelet, and while trundling a wheelbarrow.
The wheelbarrow run of his gets a lot of attention, because there is a story that is told (usually by Christian groups) that goes like this:
After Charles Blondin had pushed the wheelbarrow across Niagara Falls Gorge while being blindfolded, he asked for some audience participation. Charles had already crossed the gorge multiple times with ease, proved he could do it, and nobody in the audience had any doubt that he could perform any feat.
Charles asked the audience, "Do you believe I can carry a person across the gorge in the wheelbarrow?" Everybody shouted that yes, they believed!
Charles then asked, "Great! Then who's going to get in the wheelbarrow?"
Christians love to compare the story above to what faith really is like. Believing in God or a higher power is easy, especially when you've seen or heard about what they can do. But putting all your faith and trust in something is entirely different and much more difficult.
However, a man in my recovery group flipped it around for me - and it killed me inside when he told me his perspective as an addict.
He said that we were, in fact, Charles Blondin. Some days we think we have sobriety. We are cured from the disease and have practiced sobriety and the 12 steps so much we think we could probably cruise through life without worry. However, every single day we ask our wife, our kids, and all those we care about to trust us and to get into the wheelbarrow. We tell them that we are safe, and that we would never hurt them. We tell them, "Trust me, because I have the addiction under control, and I won't fall off." In the meantime, they are nervous. They believe in our intentions. They have seen the change in us. But to get in the wheelbarrow means risking their lives when failure is a simple mis-step away.
As a fragile addict, I don't want to have anybody in that wheelbarrow. I don't want to hurt my family. I don't feel like I can be trusted. However, the hope is that there will come a day when somebody has seen the change in me, sees me as somebody safe and as somebody that can be trusted. More importantly, the hope is that there will be a day that I can trust myself to have somebody in the wheelbarrow and that we could one day do something amazing together.
But for now the wheelbarrow is, and remains, empty.
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